enthusiasm...

i'm lacking the enthusiasm to do much these days. without being at school i don't really have any urge to do any of my work. i don't want to clean; i don't want to do my hw; i especially don't want to look for a job. where do i get that from. can't buy it. can't create it. i feel like you get enthusiasm from doing something you love, and then it sort of rubs off onto things you aren't as interested in. i'm definitely not doing anything that i love right now. i like grad school. i do like what i'm learning, but the projects aren't pushing me to fully invest myself. and chores... really? who loves doing them? i like the after-effect and i like organizing, but cleaning, i'm not so thrilled about. the last thing, job hunting, that's probably my least favorite activity of the bunch. i have to search out something, anything that pays that i'm qualified to do. that is really motivating.

i've definitely been thinking about it though. i'm definitely more involved in my life when i spend a few hours on campus. i have more direction in my day. and i more willing to do chores when home. it allows me to think of something to do when i wake up. i need to get ready to go to campus. and figure out what i will do when i'm there. if only i could find a convenient way to transport my drawing set to campus the homework situation would be ok. i end up waking up, eating breakfast and showering. then getting my things together and spending a few hours working away on campus. sometimes i get there before lunch, sometimes in the afternoon, but either way it doesn't matter. i end up being more productive in the hours i spend on campus then i would at home. at home i just stare at the work i need to do. on campus i have nothing else to do. when i finally get home, again it varies from 5pm til 9 or 10pm when i'm done with class. either way i'm more interested in picking up after myself and cooking something nice for dinner (even doing the dishes) than i am when i don't go to campus. even if i get home at 10pm. and if i'm not extremely productive in the time i spend there, i'm still more productive than i am at home. so this compels me make the trip to campus as many days a week as possible.

though i am productive on campus, i need to set a regular method of working there. i need to decide how much time i will allow for job hunting, for homework, and for miscellaneous stuff. i'd like to apply for one job a day, but that hasn't been happening. and i'm scared that i will have to revise my portfolio and/or resume too many times and that it will take up too much time. currently too little of my time is spent on homework. a job is important but doing well in my classes is also. i've been spending most of my homework time at home, but that hasn't been working. also i spend a crazy amount of my time at home and at school looking around on the internet, doing random things. how much time i do not know, but it's a lot. i need to allot a certain amount of time for that, which would also include any important updates or emails that need to be sent not related to school or work.

current thoughts on scheduling: spend first minutes checking and sending emails, second period would be trolling job websites and scholarship websites, third would be school work (whatever is specified for that day), fourth would be sending out job/scholarship applications (preferably one a day), and anything else would be used to update my portfolio. so far sounds like a good plan.

but the key is getting my butt to campus almost every day. i've just got to do it!