exhaustion

well i finished painting my room... a week ago! but i've been so exhausted from the undertaking of it all that i haven't been able to anything for a week. plus i caught a cold in my thursday class, and the bf came in town on friday. so i've been thinking of everything except the things i really need to get done.

my bf left yesterday morning at the crack of dawn (in my version of time). and i laid in bed all day imagining that it was helping my cold to go away. i woke up and started thinking about what needed to get done. i was under the impression that my monday's homework was due after two weeks, but i wasn't sure. so i rechecked the website. teachers like to just change these things. and he had! the homework was due that night and i hadn't even looked at it!!! and i took one look at it and realized that there was no way i'd ever get any of it done by class. so i took a swing at the first two problems and i couldn't figure them out. so i gave in for the whole thing. just went to class without it. i guess i was right though. the homework was posted to be done in two weeks and someone changed it. enough of the class was unprepared so he gave us an extension.

today i woke up feeling better. mildly. but after organized all of my important documents last night, i actually felt like going through my finances. nothing is as depressing as going over your finances for a four month period. i thought i only had to deal with three, but i was wrong. june still had to be tangled with. but i did one month at a time, with computer games and tv in between. i knew i spent a lot of money in july (i was prepping to go to ireland) and in august (i was in ireland), but that was on top of all of my usual ridiculous spending. ouch! i survived. though now i know why i'm so damn broke!

to round out my productiveness today, i unpacked three of my leftover boxes from moving. and rearranged the drawings for my final project. the ta included in the print-outs the drawings prior to revision. ie one drawing said "do not use. see revision." and the next page was the same drawing but with the revisions. now why would i need those previous pages??? it's just a waste of paper and adds a lot of weight to the already massive set of drawings. they lost 3/4" when i removed those pages. yeah me!

i did all of this while recovering from this crappy cold. and after a week plus of inactivity. i feel pretty good about myself.

i haven't touched that homework yet, but i have some more time. soon enough.

painting

wall 2 is done. i injured my elbow and my knee, both on the left side. the elbow stings, and the knee has this nasty-looking bruise on it. both were caused by the ladder. i also have little spots of green paint all over me. i haven't looked in a mirror; i might have it all over my face as well. but i feel good. i like the color more than i expected. plus i'm halfway done. more than halfway i'd actually say. i did the longest wall that had no doors or windows. so it had more square footage than the others.

the next wall is the closet wall. i only have to tape at the top and bottom, and i'll free-hand around the door. there's no trim or door -- just an opening -- so it's pretty easy. wall 4 is the door wall. it'll be the hardest to tape. going around the trim of the door, especially since it isn't flat. there is a wire that runs along all of the trim. but the wall is shorter than the others. there is a bump-out for the vent. and since i decided to not paint the bump-out i don't have to go around the vent opening. i thought painting it would make my room seem smaller. it would pull that wall in and shrink the entire space.

now all i have to do for the rest of today is move my furniture around in preparation for painting tomorrow.

... and my homework for my economic class.

talk about accomplishment!

i've finally decided to paint my room. i was supposed to paint it before i moved in but that didn't work out (do to lack of funds). but today was the day!!!! a few days ago i finally decided on the lighter of the two colors i had swatched all over my walls. then yesterday i trekked to home depot to get my prepping supplies. i bought painter's tape. i completely forgot about the spackle and the trowel. and last night i got incredibly drunk so this morning was a no-go. but by lunchtime i was on my way to home depot to pick up my paint! i got everything i needed and more, spent more than i planned to, and walked it all home. that took all of the energy i had so i slowly started to organize myself and to prep. i moved my furniture out of the way, used my new ladder to tape the window sill, trim, and ceiling, and washed down the wall. i even had to spackle some nail holes. all this took some time and the last of my energy. so i took a break and made a sandwich. when i finally started painting it was 5.30pm, and getting dark. two coats of paint only took me two hours! not bad, not bad. also i only painted one wall. i was going to paint one wall each weekend and take a whole month to paint my room, but painting was so quick that i might just press through and finish it this week. painting a wall a day. we'll see how that goes. but right now i'm reveling in my sense of accomplishment. woo me!

accomplishment

everyone loves the feeling of accomplishment. to have accomplished your dream, or finally finishing a project you've started, or doing something that you love. it's a great feeling. i love that feeling so much. and i experience it so little. at least i think i do.

i've learned to make lists. i love checking off items one by one. i have a horrible habit of starting things that i never finish. i really need the deadline to be someone else's in order to finish things. but i've learned that about myself; i've accepted it. and i try to work around it. i know i need small projects, small steps. i get that feeling every time i accomplish anything, so i know that if i even finish part of the whole i feel good. i also know it feels better the larger the accomplishment. so smalls steps to the big picture works the best for me.

the other problem i have is starting. to bring myself to start a project from a blank canvas is very hard for me. if it can be anything i want it to be, that ends up being too much of a challenge. my solution for that is to determine if i really want it. if i do, i go for it. if i don't, i'll just putter around about it, then let it die its slow death.

passion, that's the real key to it all. to be so passionate about something that it carries you straight through. it compels you to begin. it gives you that second wind when things seem their hardest. and it guarantees a solid finish. all you need is passion. then comes accomplishment.

library

i love books. i love the look of them, the smell of them, everything about them. their covers, their type, their words. i love reading books, looking through them, and at them. i love fiction, nonfiction, plays, and poetry. i love drama, fantasy, education, and whimsy. i love children's books; i love classics.

i love to read.

i have cookbooks, anthologies, photo books, and comic books. i have every book written by my favorite authors. i have every book written by a one hit wonder. i have workout books, cleaning books, finance books, and medical books. i have more books than i have space. i have library books, textbooks, and sketchbooks. i have notebooks galore. i even have test prep books.

i read essays and poems and stories and novellas and novels and plays and series. i read non-fiction that's fiction, and fiction that's biographical. i read everything.

besides biographies and histories. not after marie anoinette. she killed me.

silver lining

they always tell you when bad things happen --or when you hit a stream of bad luck-- to look at the silver lining. i'm pretty good at doing exactly that. i'm a pretty positive person; i'd describe myself as a optimistic realist. i get the bad and i know it's bad, but i always have a little hope, a little luck.

for the past week, i've had to deal with this exact situation. on was down on my luck and things could not look any darker. my unemployment was suspended, upon interview, my dad seemingly refused to cosign my student loan, and my $150 textbook had disappeared into thin air. and things were not looking up. with homework deadlines, piling of boxes and crap everywhere, and absolutely NO money, my life was slowly imploding. i even told my boyfriend that i thought my luck had run out.

normally i'm the luckiest person around. things just fall into my lap. and they ALWAYS work out in my favor. and i acknowledge this. my luck has pulled me through some tight spots before, but i've never experienced shit like this.

the first thing to fall into place was my student loan. my dad pulled through in the end, after a practically deadly interview with him. whew! i can actually pay for grad school now. then it was my monday class. the homework was done, and the class was enjoyable. i think i like it more than my thursday class. i've also vowed to spend more time on the homework. it's a bit crazy!

next was my unemployment. i apparently got a letter telling me that i need to call and set up an interview time. they sent it to my friend's place, and i wasn't able to get it until yesterday. i was frantically calling all morning as today was the deadline.i couldn't get through for more than 2 hours. finally i get a woman on the phone. all she needed to know was that my classes are at night and she released the hold on my unemployment!!!! so immediately afterwards i called and confirmed my past two weeks of unemployment and i'll get 4 weeks of unemployment this thursday!

the final kicker was getting my other textbooks in the mail. thank you usps! you rock! ups, you still suck. but these textbooks were just in time for me to do my homework that was due today! talk about meeting a deadline!

luck has maintained! i've never figured it out. my luck, that is. i always say that my either the luckiest or the most blessed. i am a believer, but i've never been able to believe that god is watching me every moment and allowing things to go my way, all the time. and i am almost 100% irish, so i commonly refer to my good fortunes as the luck of the irish. but i'm not sure if i fully believe in luck either.

whatever it is god bless the irish for it!

a new day

i was quite organized today. as you know, the past few weeks i've been not myself. really in a messy state at all times. but today i was brilliantly organized. more than to-the-tee. everything i needed to get done today has been done. (not including by homework that is due tomorrow, but that'll get done tonight.) and earlier than needed. i scheduled out my day. i think that's the best way to go. it makes me freak out a little about getting a lot done in a little amount of time. this method only works when there are pressing things that need to get done. but because of the schedule, i woke up earlier than i normally would and earlier than i had planned. starting the whole day on the right foot.

i might try this tactic tomorrow as well. we'll see, we'll see. i don't really know what all i need to do tomorrow, or even this week. i'm still a bit scattered, but i think i'll be reasonably productive this week.

i need to allow myself some bit of dream time, where i can just float off into nowhere which i do from time to time, without damping my energies for the day. i should also do a few problems every day for my economic class, instead of in large blocks. trying to do thirteen problems at once was too taxiing.

something that is totally leading my life into craziness is being a group leader for my estimating class. if i could get one more member, i'd feel better about the whole thing. but i'm still short one. and everyone's emails about the groups are completely ridiculous. and are causing me to go insane.

still a mess

i'm all over the place. i just moved, as in this past saturday, and there are boxes everywhere and stuff everywhere. i pretended to unpack. but i haven't set-up half of my storage spaces so there's nowhere for the stuff to go. i have to change my address for all of my mail. oh and send out my change of address cards to my family and friends. then there's school. paying for it. doing the homework for it. i need to clean. do laundry. rearrange my bed. and organize my kitchen stuff. i've set-up my electronics so i can apply for jobs, if i can find jobs to apply for. my books are all over. as are my toiletries. there are all these improvements that i want to do to the apartment to make it usable but i have no money (and i mean no money!) to do any of it with. i'm still planning on painting, but no money and furniture are in my way.

argh!!!!! i just need to get stuff done! but where to start?!?!?!

oh how i wish...

if i could somehow get a job (or a tv show) where i got to tell people what was wrong (or right) about their outfits, i would be the happiest person! i am constantly surprised that people can dress so poorly.

for example, today on the bus there was a guy in jean shorts, a gray polo, and black tennis shoes. not so bad, but his socks were this odd nude or oatmeal color. wtf?!?! who knew? i really didn't know they made socks in that color! all i know is that someone should tell him to never let those socks see the light of day again. and i would love to do it. though i lack the guts to do it without some sort of institution behind me, like tlc, or the new yorker.

because some people will think that i'll just rip people apart, i also want to tell some people what is so refreshing about their outfits. some people do dress well and should be acknowledged for it. some times when i come up with the perfect outfit, i'd like someone to compliment me on it. but there is no one.

zzzzzzzz

can't fall asleep........ i was counting to 100 over and over, which normally works. no-go. and then i gave up and was playing solitare for a while. now i'm going to try again. we'll see.

night

not as easy as it looks

i decided to start my homework last night. mind you that it isn't due until sept 14th. this is pretty good of me. i usually procrastinate more. but i knew there were a lot of problems to be done and i didn't understand the lecture at all, so the homework would be difficult.

boy was it difficult! i got to problem 11 and i needed the 8th root of a number. like any calculator does that! after some searching and multiple tries i found out that if you use the inverse (1/8) as the exponent it does the same exact thing! who knew!

then i moved onto the 12th problem. i looked at it and read it at least a million times. i didn't know what i needed to do. i picked out one equation, then decided against it. i figured out a figure by using another equation, but i was supposed to insert it into another equation. but looking at my original work i questioned if i even needed to. but then i realized that i had used the incorrect interest rate. holy mother! i didn't think it would be this hard!!! good thing i started early!

it doesn't help that i don't have my fancy calculator, or the book that would keep me from doing all of this hard math.

i'm a mess

i wouldn't say that too often about myself. but that's how i feel today. there's stuff everywhere. i'm moving again in 4 days. and there's plenty of things i need to get done before then. plus some other things i've just got myself into. a few art projects. plus i need to find that perfect job still. what the fuck...

to do (and i'm going to number that shit by importance)
1. call IDES
2. shower/dressed
3. clean off bed
4. take out trash
5. go to post office
6. go to New West
7. get cash
8. lunch
9. homework situation
10. magnet 4 boyfriend
...plus much more. that isn't important enough to be done today.

i wish that made me feel better.